Wednesday, April 15, 2009

So in Love

I am totally in love with little Roxelle. I was telling my sister, Paula, the other day how weird it is how different and the same your relationships are with each of your kids. You love them all equally, yet there is something different. Roxelle has me totally smitten. I could just sit and smell her and listen to her coo for hours. She totally melts me when she grabs the sides of my face and shmooshes her mouth and nose into mine. My favorite is when she nuzzles her tiny little face into my neck and chest and then pulls back to grin at me with her big gummy grin and rosy cheeks. First thing, every morning, I unzip her from her tiny sleep sack and she gives a HUGE stretch and smile. The anticipation of snuggling her into our bed gets me all giddy even when I am dog tired. When she squiggles and squirms into place and relaxes, it feels like my heart is going to burst! I can hardly stop the giggle that is waiting to erupt from inside my chest. I have heard of moms describing nursing a baby as being a "euphoric" experience. I can honestly say that I have NEVER been a big fan of the whole nursing process. I dread it every time I give birth, but something about Roxelle has me completely enamored.

I am actually weaning her right now. I posted on Twitter/Facebook yesterday that I have been feeling a little "blue". I think that might be why. Usually I am excited to close that chapter and have my body back to myself, but this time is different and I don't really know why. Maybe it's because she is the youngest one I've weaned (she'll be 7 months on the 17th). Usually I wean when they give me all the signs that they are losing interest. She does bite me quite often and that's not fun, but the main reason that I am weaning is that she has the same dairy allergy as Tatum and I have tried so hard to not ingest any dairy products, but I am losing the uphill battle. And every time she wakes with a cruddy cough and goopy eyes, I know that it's my fault that she is all snotty and goobery. *SOB* It absolutely breaks my heart to see her like that. These allergies are NO FUN!


Megan and Adam said...

I totally know what you mean. I tell Adam all the time I just can't hug Ellie enough. It's like I could burst with love. I remember feeling similar with Adalyn but Ellie is my baby, I love them equally but it's always a little different with your youngest. I'm sure when Ellie is a toddler and I have a new baby it will be the same way.

Elyse said...

I hear ya! Even though I only have two, I get what you mean about that special something. I had the most difficult time weaning the first time. The second time,I just felt like I wasn't making enough milk and it was in his best interest to quit. I bet the next time will be even harder since it will prob be my last =( So sad... That allergy stuff is the PITS! At least you're aware of it and can do something to help. You're amazing! We definitely need a play date soon! I'm done with school in June, so maybe then?? Love you!